relief

So, is this what it feels like?

I had a PET scan on Friday and yesterday I had my one year appointment. Everything was clear and I am one year in REMISSION!

Yeah!!!

He said I can even go ahead and set up a time to get my infusion port out. But, here's the funny thing. As I've been looking at my schedule, surgery is never something you really have "time" for. Usually surgery is something you have to have..and usually you needed it yesterday, so to "just find time"...isn't really easy. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

In the mean time, I want to thank several groups of people for the way you have supported me, loved me, and carried my through the last year. From beginning to end, this was never something I had to handle or deal with alone and for that, I will be forever grateful and indebted to you.

LGB and TRB - thanks for EVERYTHING. For driving me to every appointment, sitting in the waiting room, driving like a maniac the first night to get back to Arkadelphia, letting me cry but not whine, for the encouragement, for understanding my ailments - even when they didn't make sense, for making me feel like one of your own, and more than anything your constant, unconditional friendship

LL-thank you for Treat Tuesday's. That was such a creative idea and something I looked forward too. You are an amazing a supportive friend

Suite 100 - we were all scared and confused together, but you were great to just let me figure it out. Thanks for your support during the hardest days I have ever faced. Thanks for the fun hat and scarf party - and while I never had to use them the way we thought I might, I will always remember that that need was met long before it became a big concern. Thanks for driving me to radiation appointments and for the laughs and tears along the way.

OBU family - no where to begin on this one either. There always has been something different about this place and when you go through moments like these, you begin to understand even more. I appreciate the support more than you will ever know. So, whether you were closely connected in the process, let me talk through my chemo brain in meetings (hopefully some of that made sense), made me laugh, let me cry, wrote notes, brought me sweet surprises, stopped for a moment on the sidewalk, asked questions, or just smiled a bigger smile, I am so grateful

Arkadelphia family and church - thank you for your support and prayers. You have seen me in some of my weakest moments, but there were weekends that I didn't feel great, but wanted to get up and be there just to let you know that your prayers were not in vain. Thank you!

My Irving family - thank you for your long distance love, prayers, cards, thoughts, well wishes and hugs when I came home. More than that, thank you for taking care of my family. I know this journey was a truly different experience for them. I like being the one that holds everything together and I couldn't do it with this and I so appreciate you supporting them and loving them when I could not. Your gifts, kind words, hugs, prayers, and support will always be something we cherish.

To my extended family - thank you for loving us through this and walking the road very personally with us. I have always considered my family a blessing and while we have walked so many roads together, I know that it is rare to be so grounded together with a faith that has sustained the journey. I love you!

Mom, dad, and resa - I know none of you read this, but everyone else does and tells you what I say, so I don't want you to feel left out. I have told you how much you mean to me, but I want to publicly acknowledge that I am so grateful that God's plan worked out to put us 4 and no more in our group (well, I'm glad he added the dog!). But I can see so many ways how he has grown us together and I'm kinda glad that it was just the 4 of us on this ride together. Thank you for driving a million miles last summer, for taking days off of work and having to play catch up when you got back, for the loss of sleep, for cooking and having food on the table when I woke up from my naps, for letting me grumpy and whiny, for cleaning my house and moving me, for making sense of my chemo brain chatter, for all the small things that made life a little easier, for just getting me with a look and not making me say anything, for moments when I would turn over in the night and you were there praying beside my bed...I am such a lucky girl and even when I don't act like it, know that I will spend the rest of my life paying you back for your support and love.

Hodgkiss group - thanks for walking this road with me and for your encouragement along the way - for the "we've been there's" and the convos about all the lingo. It was nice to have someone who understood all that stuff. Heather, not to through you in with your whole family, but your friendship is a treasure, thanks for coming to see me, for sitting with me all weekend, for the basket of all my favorite goodies, for the late night phone calls, for crying on the way home from Dallas and then telling me when I admitted that I was back at my house crying too. We have shared a journey of many things together. I am blessed by our friendship

AKD - thanks for your amazing friendship, for coming down to take me to radiation, for the pedicures and the laughs, thanks for calling to check on me even when that part of our friendship seemed one sided. I appreciate you so much and your cards and sweet thoughts always come at just the right time

My roomies - when they say that Ouachita friendships are lifelong, they aren't kidding. I will never forget the Friday night that I called to tell each of you what was going on. 08 was a big year for all of us - new houses, weddings, first anniversaries and it was so fun to be together. 410 Ouachita St. changed our lives together and I am grateful that we all mysteriously found each other.

To those of you who read this blog that I have never met- thank you for being entertained by my life. I hope my journey has been a testimony of what my loving, saving, merciful God can do. Not only is he a Healer, but he is Sustaining, Faithful (praise him for that one) and full of Grace.

So, what I have I learned along the way?

• Prayer Changes EVERYTHING
• Relationships really are the most important thing in life
• Make sure you are taking time to Live and truly EXPERIENCE life
• Take advantage of the opportunity, you may not have a second chance
• Make sure the people around you know how much they mean to you
• A smile can go a long way - like in the waiting room of a doctors office
• Share your faith and let it be testimony of your journey
• Be your own advocate and fight for yourself
• Give of yourself and expect nothing in return
• Commit your life to living for something truly significant

As I close, let me leave you with these words from Paul in Ephesians:

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

on the road again

I have had several thoughts over the last couple days spending some time with Georgio.

1 - I think it would be funny if there was a "southern" voice option on the Garmin. I would for sure ditch Gerogio for a guy named Billy Bob, simply for entertainment. There is something reassuring about hearing a familiar voice. "FM 1187" does not translate into the same thing when Georgio says it. Just think what Billy Bob would say - "Go down der, turn right der, and then it will be right der on da right"

2 - I think there should be an option for "Prissy white girl" along with "most scenic", "fastest", "avoid highways". You see when I don't take the turn I'm supposed to and Georgio says "recalculating", I need him to not drag me through the area he took me through today. I don't think this white girl was supposed to be in that area. I need the "prissy white girl" option so he knows not to drag me through those streets. See ladies Georgio does have a flaw - he is not that perfect European man that I have dreamed him to be.

3 - are the voices that the Garmin uses computer generated based on generalizations of a certain cultural voice. Or, are they mimic ed after a certain person.

4 - Also, I wonder what the voice would really like to say instead of "recalculating" - Here are some of the things I think it would like to say instead..."why are you using me if you don't do what I say?", "didn't I just tell you to turn/exit?", "you idiot, listen!", "ok are you going to listen to me now?". I play this game with myself. I apologize when he has to say "recalculating". But, there is something I like about the polite way he says "RECALCULATING".

Think about it, wouldn't it be nice if everyone just responded politely and didn't talk back or belittle you? I just sayin.

On a totally different note, I'm officially the #1 fan of the QT - Quik Trip - gas station. They sell 32 oz. drinks for $.49 and gas for $2.21. Maybe there are some good things about a big city!

(And, Georgio will let me type in the name of what I'm looking for and he will find it for me...even if it is 15 miles away and in downtown Ft. Worth and I accidentally turn the wrong way on a one way street, or that a little red mustang almost came through my door. But, aren't these memories that I'm making..my dad doesn't read this so I can say that)

in love

I have come to Dallas and fallen in love. His name is Georgio, or at least that is what I call him!

His middle name is Garmin. That's right. Georgio Garmin Get me where I need to go when I need to go.

We had a little Christmas in July celebration (we used to have those at church when I was growing up in GA's. We would bring goodies to mail to missionaries. I don't know if it took that long for the products to mail overseas, or if that is just what we called it. Anybody got any details on this experience?) when I got home on Monday night.

Dad even wrapped them in Christmas paper and everything.

I had my first day of appointments yesterday and it led me to all of them. The first guy even said. You must have a GPS if you found this place. I just smiled.

I love my new boyfriend. He is actually better than the real thing. He gets you exactly to the parking place without an argument, getting lost (I'm sure that experience is coming), and he will stop and let you add detours along the way and, he shows you all the shopping options in the area you are traveling (he shows you a lot of others too like gas stations, banks, etc. ) but shopping and restaurants are the ones I will use most!

Anyway, I'm in love and until the honeymoon wears off, I will stay that way. Off to more adventures today.

PS - there was a second Christmas in July gift a book about "taking the desperate out of dating". Anybody think that is a hint when your dad finally gets to the point where he is ready to get rid of you too?

pray

sweet friends, I have long since used this as a forum for personal solicitation, to tell you whats going on in my world and to rant, vent, or question the things of the world.

But, today, will you give me the honor of introducing you to a Saint. I was introduced (well, we have never actually met) through a friend of mine here in Arkadelphia. It has been enough that my friend was so moved and touched by this woman. I knew she was a woman of God, that her friends were impacted by her faith and that God has used her and her battle with cancer to tell His story.

She has been through the fire, but not let herself be consumed or burned up. She has taken blows and stood the test of endurance and hardship. She has stood strong and tall when it would have been so much easier to curl up in a ball. I received this video link today that her church put together on their website of her testimony.

While you may not know her, I ask you to take 15 minutes to watch the video. It will change your day. It will put things in perspective for you and more than anything, it will challenge you to fight harder for a tomorrow so you can live better than you did today.

Click here to watch this video.

And, after you have watched it, take a few moments and pray for Terri. Her testimony of faith is unwavering. Less than a month ago, they sent her home from MD Anderson and told her their was nothing else they could do. In an email I got today, there is a radiation treatment that her doctor is willing to try. She will go everyday for 4-5 days and it is a very dangerous treatment. One of the side effects is death. While she knows what is in front of her, she knows who she serves and where she is going. Oh that I could live everyday with that abandon and not take days of returned health for granted.

Its time to get this blog back to its original purposes...begging and pleading for your prayers.

I'll leave you with these thoughts she said in the video:

He is not worried about my comfort, he is worried about my character.

Once you figure out it's not about you - God is enough!

May He be your plenty and your want this evening.

pearberry

So, I had one of those moments today. You know, when you smell something you haven't smelled in long time and it takes you back. We were in Bath and Body Works and I saw that compound word on the side of a plastic bottle and could not believe what I was seeing. PEARBERRY is back.

It is not necessarily a scent that I really love now, but it was my scent during high school. I loved that stuff. It was way cooler than just the original Sun Ripened Raspberry, Country Apple, or Cucumber Melon it was one step past all that. You know when you feel like you are on the cutting edge because your favorite is something more than just the average. (yeah, I'm weird, it doesn't take much to entertain me..and it never really has)

Any way, I put a sample size in my hands and as I rubbed them together and my hands began to absorb the moisture, I was transported back. Back 10-12 years ago to Latham Springs at 4:45 in the afternoon. Maybe it was the fact that it felt like it was 100 degrees, but that was my summer scent. Long before Mango Mandarin was my summer scent, I would make sure I had my Pearberry bottle of lotion. I think I felt cool because I had Bath and Body Works lotion...like that was some social status symbol (actually, I think it was).

But, for those of you who read this that were there at that same moment, let me paint this picture for you. We had been out in the afternoon at Youth Camp. Whether getting a treat at the snack area, trying to find the cute boys who were playing in the summer band, enduring last minute Talent Show practice, or heaven forbid sitting out watching the athletes in our youth group take on the counselors in a rousing game of basketball or softball, we were definitely in need of a shower before dinner. So, 40 girls sharing a bathroom, trying as much as possible to get ready for dinner as quickly as they could because we always waited too late.

If we were lucky, we had asked some boys to dinner with some cheesy rhymy poem, at lunch, at the mic in front of everyone and they were going to be at our cabin door in 5 minutes and we would begin to fight over who would eat with who - if claims had not already been made. None of us were really in a hurry to get to dinner. You see, we would spend the next few moments in line, outside wrapping around a building in the 5:00 heat. We had worked really hard to wear just the right dinner/ worship outfit, if it was older boys - we were all nervous, if it was younger boys - we were figuring out how to make small talk through the most awkward days of our existence. Then, we would get in line and probably have a mixture of spaghetti, garlic bread, cooked carrots and chocolate pudding (the only thing I would eat) waiting for us. However we would never really know if it was good or not because as soon as we got to our table, we would either begin yelling/chanting/cheering incessantly or coming up with what we were going to go up to the mic and say.

And, we had no idea what amazing message was in front of us. No idea if we would have the most emotional night of our life (of at least the week). No idea how God would drastically change each of our lives that evening. No idea if this would be the night that one of our lost friends who came to camp would find Jesus for the very first time. No idea if one among us would feel the call to full time ministry. No idea what would be ahead for the evening.

I wonder, just wonder, if we had known that...would we have changed the way we prepared ourselves? Would we have talked about something different at dinner? Would we have sat with the same person or spent more time with our girl friends and less time worrying about boys?

Anyway. That was there PEARBERRY took me. A moment (or many moments) in my past. Those were great days, that made up some of my favorite memories of high school. I can still hear the chatter in front of the mirrors, remember the chaos of dresses as everyone wore each other's clothes, see all the hair products and curling irons (no straighteners then) lined up on the counters and the fighting through the hair spray fog! What great memories!

What about you? What smell takes you back to a certain moment? Or, to summer youth camp?

Isn't that interesting how our senses can kick in and jog our memories!?!

out rage

So, I have a new obsession, well, its one of many lately, but its an obsession that one of my friends introduced me to.

However, I was out ragged to read this in their newsletter today...

http://www.menshealth.com/eatthis/Most_Sugar-Packed_Foods/14_Most_Sugar-Packed_Healthy_Food.php

I saw this today and it made me sad-somewhat outraged- they are blaspheming one of my favorite snacks -

At least it fell in the "healthy" category. How dare then make it sound like a muffin is cake. Don't they know the food pyramid and food categories? A cake is a cake and a muffin is a muffin. Now if they poured it in those little mini bundt pans and put icing on it, that would be different, but for now its in a paper liner and that makes it a muffin, and its pumpkin which can totally be considered a vegetable, so, we are totally ok, eating vegetables for breakfast.

Actually, for eating vegetables for breakfast, we should get a reward and I think it should be a cake!


If it comes in a paper liner and is baked in a "muffin" pan, then its a muffin. Some may call things like this a cupcake, and that's fine, we can introduce that category, those are baked in cupcake pans, but at my house, they are called muffin pans.

I rest my case!

(remember I'm the girl who was raised in a house where my mom ate left over chocolate cake for breakfast -or pumpkin pie the day after thanksgiving, so this is totally logical)

oh may

So, I've been a little busy this month. First, I have a new job. I moved this week to the Development Office. My new territory is SW Arkansas and Texas. Lots to learn really quickly. I'm, already loving my new co-workers and they are quickly learning how weird and quirky I am! They'll love me before they know it.

The great thing about this new job is that I will be out traveling and telling the Ouachita story. I'm sure that will bring some fabulous stories. I always run into very interesting things while I'm out and being on the road gives me time to think, which gives me things to write about.

The other big thing that happened recently is that my sister got her Master's. I had such a great time while I was home. Dad and I went to the King Tut exhibit at the Dallas Art Museum while I was there and us girls went to the Main Street Festival in Grapevine. So fun. I wish we had something like that here!

Any way, enjoy the grad pics below. I'm so proud of her..some man is going to be super lucky to snatch her up and in the mean time there are some very lucky kids in Dallas who get to have her for a teacher! It makes me want to go back to elementary school PE (and she is the only thing...I don't know, I kinda liked Jump Rope for Heart but not the mile run day!)

this is what we call the Master's glow

now she's in the hood!

mis parentals

mis madre

mi familia...we're so pretty..but why did I do that with my head?

Aunt Faye and Uncle Keith

Papa and Maurine

such a rebel...I told her what are they going to do, kick you out of school...oh wait!

you did it!